Twitter is like a mosh pit. You can have a lot of fun, but things can get out of hand quickly. So, if you’re looking for something as innocent as great dad jokes on Twitter, it can be a hop-skip-and-a-jump to getting lost in a cesspool of unfunny, trolling humor. The thing is, the Twitter hivemind is a great place to go for clean dad jokes. It’s just that a little curation is required.
That’s where we come in. We’ve waded into the abyss and captured some of the best dad jokes fluttering around the bird site right now. Dad jokes are kind of our thing, so we know how to spot them, even when we kind of have to pull them out of the muck. As of now, these are the very best dad jokes Twitter has to offer.
21. From @MtHoodNF:
I built a model of Mt. Hood and my kid asked if it was to scale. "No," I said. "It's to look at."
20. From @japastu:
I told my suitcases that there would be no vacation this year. Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage.
19. From @THETimHaynes:
I can’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 in Roman Numerals...IM LIVID
18. From @TerriIrwin:
How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? When they go away, one you see later and one you see in a while!
17, From @SimonCHolland:
I noticed my wife and kids were wearing vests so I put one on just so I could say “vest day ever” like a million times. Then I took it off just so I could mention that I wasn’t as invested as they were.
16. From @PearlyLondon:
I went to see my mate last night he just had twin daughters absolutely gorgeous little things they are.
He’s a drummer in a band and he’s decided to call them Anna one, Anna two.
15. From @KenDBerryMD:
Apparently, my tweet about bananas being unhealthy has hurt a few peelings...
14. From @DadIsGrumpy:
Me: Hey
Wife: What
Me: I figured out how the Paw Patrol powers all their vehicles.
Wife: What?
Me: They obviously use Paw PETROL
Wife:
Me: Well?
Wife: Your speaking privileges have been revoked for the next 15 minutes.
13. From @bnovak00:
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1
12. From @SaltyPulp:
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Toad.
11. From @ScottMonty:
2013: Didn't jog
2014: Didn't jog
2015: Didn't jog
2016: Didn't jog
2017: Didn’t jog
2018: Didn’t jog
2019: Still haven’t jogged
This is a running joke.
10. From Redditor u/wimpykidfan37:
What’s your favorite super corny #dadjoke ??? Mine is probably “What’s brown and sticky? A stick!”
9. From @TheGingerMinj:
Karl Marx is a historically famous philosopher but no one ever mentions his sister,
Onya, the inventor of the starting pistol.
8. From @jenophora:
Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?
Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
MAKES ME CRY LAUGHING EVERY TIME I TELL IT BECAUSE I AM D U M B
7. From Mr_Interrobang:
When does a joke become a #dadjoke?
When it becomes apparent!
6. From @Daniel_Logan:
Here's a #dadjoke for you:
What is your child guilty of if they don't want to take a nap?
Resisting a rest
5. From @jeremy_daly:
13 yo daughter: Hey daddy, did you hear about that actress that got stabbed? What was her name? Reese...?
Me: Witherspoon?
13 yo: No, with a knife.
Me: {Facepalm Emoji}
I was totally out #dadjoke'd. It won't happen again.
4. From Redditor @MonteDogge:
What happens if someone slaps you at a high frequency?
It Hertz
3. From @ProducerEddie:
What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A WAIST OF TIME
2. From @kingsrush:
I was gonna say a pizza joke,
But it’s not ready to be delivered.
1. From @NWSBayArea:
For #FathersDay2021 we were thinking of posting a #dadjoke that was weather related, but it's only funny to a certain degree...
Check out more of Fatherly’s epic collection of dad jokes right here.
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This article was originally published on Aug. 3, 2022
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