A PUB landlord has been hailed a "legend" for his sassy responses to negative TripAdvisor reviews.
Roger Cazaly, of the Plume of Feathers pub in Portscatho, Cornwall, hit back at a moaning mum and a drunken wedding party for their negative comments.
The 17th century coastal pub has received 563 reviews on the site, 449 of them rating the establishment 'excellent' or 'very good'.
But the 25 reviewers who deemed the pub 'terrible' got an earful from Roger - who owns the venue with his wife Helen - and he doesn't hold back.
While he seems to have lost the business of a few potential punters, his witty replies have won him favour elsewhere.
One social media user wrote: "I want to go just to meet the landlord. What a legend! I loved his responses."
Another agreed, writing: "I think the pub landlord sounds like a legend", and another added: "Excellent answers! Well done the landlord."
Here are a few of Roger's hilarious responses in full.
A LITTLE CHILD WHO DIDN'T GET WHAT SHE WANTED
One upset mother wrote about the pub on TripAdvisor: "Just popped in for some food, was told they were too busy. Said we’d just have some drinks, they basically suggested that go someone else. Rude, arrogant."
Roger responded: "Now now Kitty, it's not nice to call people names. But seeing as you've decided to go on the world wide web and call me names like a little child who didn't get what she wanted when she demanded it, lets talk about your visit.
"Folks, it was a Saturday evening on the bank holiday weekend of the half term, it was between 7 and 7.30pm. This is possibly the most premium time food wise in any restaurant or pub, especially in a little Cornish pub in the middle of a holiday destination.
"We were at full flow, every table taken, tables had been booked weeks in advance, the kitchen is maxed out. However, Kittyminx, (such a cute name) she comes to the bar with her children and says "Chips, I want chips for my children".
"I responded with an apology and said that's fine but there will probably be about a 40 or 45 minute wait and probably apologised again.
"You seemed stunned by this, so I went onto explain that we were absolutely maxed out and there will be a wait if you want to go ahead and order then we had that awful 4 or 5 seconds where you just blinked and stared at me like I was speaking a foreign language, so I then said the Taverna down the road is open and they do takeaway food as well, which might be a better option at this moment in time (seeing as you've left it till 7.30 in the evening to suddenly consider feeding your children).
"I actually thought I was being helpful, giving you options, but obviously you didn't see it this way. Someone dared to say no to Kitty minx!
"Now, Kittyminx, when you leave 'reviews' like this, it actually says more about you than the venue. Because, generally, we then go into your profile and read your other reviews and have a little chuckle.
"You use the words Rude and Arrogant with gay abandon don't you? Or we read about when you complain that the waitress had asked you to stop your children playing on the stairs 4 times, the poor girl.... or when another venue got slagged off because you weren't allowed to move the furniture...…. Kitty, you had probably put in front of a fire escape or something.
"Trust me Kittyminx, when it comes to rude and arrogant you might want to look a little closer to home."
I HAVEN'T CRINGED THIS MUCH IN A LONG TIME
A disappointed "local" used 18 exclamation marks to express their sadness that the pub "very popular with tourist no chance for locals!" had a waiter that was "over the top with compliments" but didn't make a fuss about their birthdays.
Here's what Roger had to say: "I haven't cringed this much in a long time.
"18 exclamation points!! 18!!
"Folks, here we have the very controversial "locals" scenario. This seems to happen in 2 locations, Cumbria and Cornwall.
"When someone says they are a "local", this is not to be confused with a "regular". When someone enters your premises and keeps dropping "we're locals, don't you know" into the conversation, generally, they're not really.
"Quite often they will be from outside the County, say, somewhere like Peterborough, and they've just moved down very recently and immediately want all the trimmings of being a "local". If you don't treat them as such, even if you have never seen them ever before in your life, they will scuttle off and go on Tripadvisor.
"If you do, they are full of praise and everything is wonderful. But, we just treat everyone the same. Sorry.
"I would say that over 80% of our customers are "real locals and regulars" so I'm not sure what the nasty little jibe about tourists means.
"We apologise that we were still busy in November and we had all our tables booked out.....bloomin locals coming in booking tables!, we apologise that the waiter was complimentary towards you, he has been dealt with severely, he won't be doing that again in a hurry, Oh No!
"I'm sorry we didn't make more of a fuss of you for your birthday, but perhaps you were in the wrong place as you call us a restaurant, we are in fact just a little country pub. Perhaps you thought you were in TGI Fridays or Chiquitos where I think the staff are made to sing to you when they find out it's your birthday, you'll like that.
"Please tell me, what did that curry house in Peterborough do so wrong that you had to visit it 7 times and slag it off every time. Did they not put candles on your naan bread? You should have told them you're a local!! Hold on, Peterborough? I thought you were a local down here..................?"
PATHETIC ATTEMPT TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL BETTER
A wedding group felt hard done by during their visit, writing in their review that they were "treated with disdain" by the landlady "who's had a charisma bypass", adding: "The beer and average food was way overpriced, the toilet was filthy and stunk of urine and the interior was at best, shabby. She refused to serve any spirits because it was too early."
But Roger wasn't quite on the same page: "Wasn't quite like this was it?
"You arrived en masse at 10.30am and seemed surprised that we didn't serve alcohol before 11am. But then at 11am the drinking commenced.
"We didn't refuse to serve spirits at all, because if you remember, when the young ladies found out that we didn't sell Blue WKD's in our little Cornish village pub they started drinking Gin and bitter lemon. They said this was 'lush'. So don't tell lies.
"Now, you maybe alluding to the fact that we refused to sell shots at 1.30pm. We did think it a little early, and unnecessary.
"Now, the younger lot seemed to agree with us and said things like 'Sound' 'Probably best'. But you decided to go on and on about how it's the done thing up North.
"Now, seeing as you had only been drinking Carlsberg (3.8%) up to this point and your behaviour was already deteriorating at a vast rate of knots, we feel we made the right decision on not serving shots at 1.30 in the afternoon.
"Eventually my wife had to ask you to stop swearing loudly in the pub as other people were coming in with children. I think it's at this point that my wife had the 'charisma bypass' because you then went into the loud heavy duty swearing. So then, instead of my wife asking, she told you to stop swearing, to which point she even had to get the poor father of the bride to ask you to leave because of your behaviour.
"You didn't eat in the pub, so that little jibe about the food is obviously a rather pathetic attempt to make yourself feel better about your behaviour.
"The toilets were cleaned spotlessly in the morning and the only people that had been in the pub all day was you and your party, so I feel if there was any issues there, you may want to look a little at yourselves.
"If you are asked to leave a premises due to your behaviour, just take it on the chin. Don't put sad little 'reviews' on websites. It embarrasses yourself and this one has embarrassed the father of the bride...... again. I believe he did ask you to remove this post, but I guess you don't have that much respect."
WHAT ARE CHICKEN BALLS?
A parent wrote this unfortunate review about the pub: "We took some "fresh" fishes for us and chicken balls and fries for kids. Food was absolutely disgusting, for kids - everything from microwave."
But it was met with confusion from the landlord: "You seem to be doubting the freshness of the fish, we have 2 fish deliveries a day, morning and afternoon.
"The chips enter the building as a big bag of potatoes, they are then prepared and triple cooked on the premises.
"If you can't tell the difference between microwave chips (we haven't even got a microwave) from freshly prepared triple cooked chips, I'm not sure you have the skills to be putting 'reviews' on websites.
"What are chicken balls?"
LIKE A SMALL CHILD
One customer confused with the pub's table reservation system gave a one star review.
Here's what Roger had to say about it: "And here, ladies and gentlemen, lies the problem with Tripadvisor.
"A lot of people don't quite understand the hospitality trade, and if something disappoints them, they give it a "review".
"And they give it a 1 star.
"Sad isn't it?
"Like a small child that can't have a biscuit...........
"Now, Tony M, let me give you a little lesson on the catering industry. Just because you can sit at a table and can see other empty tables does not mean we are not fully booked.
"Are you with me? It's about what the kitchen can cope with at any one time, so we stagger the bookings so the kitchen doesn't get overwhelmed. Are you still with me?
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"Now, sometimes, when the kitchen is flowing awesomely , and someone walks in for a table without having previously booked, we will check if the kitchen can squeeze them in between the checks they already have on. Sometimes it's a yes, sometimes it's a yes but they will have to wait half an hour and sometimes it's a flat no. We don't like saying no Tony, no business likes saying no, treacle. But sometimes instead of making false promises we have to say no. Have we learnt something blossom?
"Now, when it comes to doing a review, giving someone a 1 when disappointed is being a petulant child. It says everything is bad, bad, bad. Was the service bad, was the beer you drank bad? etc, Do you see what I mean, treacle? You were just disappointed, so that's not a review is it?
"Hopefully you've learnt something today, now you go and put your big boy pants on and get out there and do a proper review. Go on son, you can do it!"
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